I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
