Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
