hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
