I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
