I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
