Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
PANTIES FOUND
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