she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
