some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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