did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
