so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
