if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
