John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
