Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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