I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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