I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
