Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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