I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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