You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
