when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
