Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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