Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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