She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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