I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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