she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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