is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
cat food counts as protein by the way
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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