My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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