My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
