What tipped you off? The sombrero?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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