So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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