i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You can't just leave with hair like that
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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