I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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