can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
