i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
