If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Loading more great texts...