Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
