He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
