planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
