Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
