so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
