You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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