When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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