Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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