I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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