Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
