Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
