"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
