Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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