chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
