It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
