Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
