dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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