the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
