this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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