My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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