lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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