i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
