I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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