I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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