Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
