I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
