I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
