you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
