He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
