i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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